im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
