Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
