I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
