Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
