You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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