I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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