I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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