is your mom at the bar?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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