Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
