I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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