We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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