I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
