He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
