Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
