Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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