ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
