if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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