i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
