i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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