Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
