During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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