Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
