yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
