none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
