sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
