So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
