As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
