me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
