We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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