No stitches, just platelets and will power
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
