I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
