The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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