is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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