as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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