TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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