i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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