my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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