haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
