another moral hangover. fuck.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
