Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
