Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
