what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
