Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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