I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
