there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
vagina is talking i cant
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
