Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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