Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
