every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
