tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i already hear my dad disowning me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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