I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
