I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
