..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
