Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
