so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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