Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
