I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
