Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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