guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
We're too hungover to prance.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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