u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
