nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
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I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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