2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
