a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
