he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
