Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
