insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
