I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
