If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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